2020 – Back Again?

Hello Friends! I’m back. Again. Hoping that maybe I can actually stick to this habit this time.

I used to enjoy blogging, but I got stuck in my head a lot, and to be honest, I still am, but this is me, trying to push past those mental blocks and get back into the swing of things.

So much has changed since I was here last, and I intend to talk about as much of it as I can remember over the next few weeks, but as a quick summary to whet your whistles:

• I live with my fiancee now, as well as our two cats, and a crested gecko! It’s a crazy, wonderful life. That’ll be a whole post in itself, I think, but not because I live somewhere else. You’ll have to read the post, I guess 😛
• I don’t really write poetry/prose anymore, but I want to get back into it. We’ll see how that goes. If it goes well I might post that on here, but again . . . we’ll see.
• My mental health has been a rollercoaster and a half, as usual, but now I have a diagnosis. After being misdiagnosed for a while and on the completely wrong medication. I am currently unmedicated again which is a mess, but hopefully not for much longer. I have a phone appointment with my therapist on this upcoming Thursday and should know more then.
• I think I’ve gotten two new tattoos since I made my initial tattoo post, and am hoping to get another one sorta soon. I’ll update for sure with pictures of my newer ones, and if I end up getting a new one soon I’d like to post about that a bit more, as well. My tattoos are important to me, for lots of reasons I will probably go into in the tattoo update posts.
• I didn’t think it was possible for me to get more anxious about writing than I was before, but somehow I have, and it’s caused a huge mental block, which is no fun. But I’m taking baby steps to get back into the swing of things and I love it.
• Unfortunately no longer working, which is sometimes a blessing and sometimes a curse.
• I turned 23! Oof. Feels like I was 16 just yesterday! Where does the time go?
• Of course there’s SO much happening in the world right now. Not entirely sure how political I want to get on this blog, despite viewing myself as a fairly socially and politically minded person, I don’t want this to turn into a super negative space.

I think those are the major things for now.

So, I know I’ve said this before and failed, but expect a bunch of posts over the next few weeks (no more than two a week, though!)

Let me know in the comments if you have any feedback or questions!

As always, but especially in times like these, stay safe and take care of yourself and your loved ones, friends!

Paige

An Update

Well, my friends, needless to say sometimes life does not go the way we plan it. 

The past week and a half-ish has been rough. First of all, I’ve been struggling with my mental health something fierce (but I’ll touch more on that in another post, I think!), and everything that could go wrong seemingly has. 

My computer fizzed out on me, and I’m the idiot that never backs up her work*, so I lost EVERYTHING for my NaNoWriMo project this year, as well as the half-finished draft of Awake.

*Or at least I used to be. I certainly won’t be anymore! 

I’m honestly heartbroken, but I’m trying my best to get back on track — though I certainly won’t be finishing NaNoWriMo with 50k this year now, and I probably won’t have the rough draft of Awake done by February, I know I did my best. 

And it taught me a valuable lesson: BACK UP YOUR WORK EVERY TIME YOU QUIT! To several places. Just saving it to your computer isn’t enough. 

And maybe it’s for the best. Maybe I’ll write a better story now that the old draft is gone. Or at least that’s what I have to tell myself to keep from getting too discouraged.

Anyway, that’s all for now. Thanks for reading!

Love you guys, 

Paige

Long Time Coming

Hello hello, friends!

It’s been far too long since I made a post, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to make this one either, because that means Coming Back, and I’m not very good at keeping up with this blog anymore, but y’know what? I’m gonna try my best.

And my best may not be very good, but it will be my best.

 

Today I have exciting news! I finally published Alive: A Journey To Redemption!

After five freaking years of writing and rewriting, it’s finally done and ready for public consumption!

It feels a little surreal, to be honest. I feel like I should still be fussing over describing Riley in the diner, and nitpicking at words in the end scenes, but I’m not.

Instead I’m working on Awake: A Work In Progress, and it feels good.

 

I don’t really have much else to say in this post, but I promise I’ll try to be here more over the next little while.

Thank you for your patience.

 

 

 

 

Camp NaNoWriMo Update #1

Hello, friends!

I almost decided not to write a post today because I was ashamed of myself.

My word count on my NaNo novel so far is a whopping 835 right now, which is 832 words less than I was supposed to have on the first day.

Whoops. But I was reading articles about rambling roses, trying to get back to the roots of this blog (ba dum tshh!) when I discovered this little gem:

“To prepare the ground adequately for a climbing rose is a prime requisite for success. The soil ought to be naturally rich, or be made so. Though climbing roses will grow on poor soil more successfully than other kinds of roses, the fact remains that the better we treat them the better they will treat us.” Planting and Taking Care of Climbing Roses on OldandSold.com

(Yes I know the article/quote is about climbing roses, and my blog refers to ‘rambling roses’, but both plants are similar in structure and nature so I’ll allow it!)

And I realized that just because I’m off to a bad start doesn’t mean it’s time to dig the seed out of the ground and throw it in the trash, it means it’s time to dig my roots in and get growing some ding-dang-diddly ramblin’ roses!

So maybe my soil started out poor due to my lack of effort, but I’m recommitting to myself, to my novel, and to you right here, that I will treat my soil novel better, so that it (and I) can become a beautiful rose someday.

Sorry this update was short and probably didn’t make much sense, but I’ve got some writing to do! I will talk to you all next Wednesday, if not sooner! 🙂

 

 

 

Update time!

Hello, hello friends!

I figured it was about time I used my blog for something other than badly written poems and drippy, melodramatic prose pieces.

First of all, I’ve decided to post on a schedule now (or try, anyway!) Actually, I’ve been trying for a few weeks now but for whatever reason WordPress doesn’t like me when I try to schedule things and it just posts whenever it feels like it, so I’m trying to figure out a way around that. Anyway, I’m *hoping* to post every Wednesday around 2-3pm (EST), but if I have to post manually the times might be off due to my unpredictable work schedule.

Second, you can expect to see a lot of me in July.

I have a lot planned with writing updates, and some drippy, melodramatic prose ( 😛 ), and I’ve got a few other ideas, too, so hold tight.

I’ll be the first person to admit that I’m not the best at sticking to deadlines, and yes, I know people are still waiting on Alive (not to mention Awake) but I’m going to try hard, friends.

Also, Camp NaNoWriMo is coming up in just a few days so I’m preparing myself for that. I have honestly never been so excited, or nervous to participate before because I’ve never attempted NaNoWriMo with a full time job, but we’re gonna try this time.

Anyway, that’s it for this update. I’ll see you all in July! 🙂

The Funniest Email I’ve Ever Gotten / Why I’m Changing My Username

Subject: ummmm…

Message: Are you married? Or do you refer to your cat as your husband? Help me I’m very confused/concerned.

I received that email from one of my closest friends out of the blue about a month ago, and my immediate response was WHAT?! Because neither of those things are in any way accurate (although I have joked on occasion in the summertime that Sam is the only hot boy I’ll ever have in my life :P), and after I got over the initial shock and confusion, I had a good laugh.

I ended up on Skype that same night with my friend and she explained that she had been looking for my blog and when she stumbled upon one with a similar title to mine, and she said the woman looked a bit like me, but that woman kept making references to her “husband”, which is obviously where the similarities between our two blogs ended.

Since that conversation I’ve been thinking a lot about who I am as a human, and about what I want this blog to be, and I’ve realized that my current name really doesn’t suit the vision I have anymore.

For a while now I’ve been struggling to keep up with my personal journal, mostly because of my mental health in some form. When I’m depressed I don’t want to write, or I don’t have words to write even if I want to. Sometimes I’ll try to write but I’ll have so much anxiety about writing well that I write three sentences and stop. Somewhere along the line I’ve gotten this messed up idea in my head that everything I write has to be worthy of reading, even when nobody else will ever read it.

To “solve” that problem in recent months I’ve started doing this thing in my journal, I call it “recent events in true ramblers fashion”. This means I allow myself to ramble on and on without filter. The only “structure” I give myself when I’m rambling is numbered bullet points to separate each topic without me having to worry  about transitioning smoothly from one topic to the next, because here’s a little secret, guys: I’m BAD at transitions! I’m working on it, but I’m still bad at them.

So, I wanted to bring some of that style to my blog (not the bullet points, don’t worry!), because I honestly have tons of ideas, but the weeds that grow in the garden of my mind end up choking me out before I even get started.

I considered calling this blog In True Ramblers Fashion, but didn’t want to mislead people into thinking I was going to blog about my adventures (which I’m sure I could spend a lot of time on, but that’s not what this blog is about!), or about actual fashion, so I looked up the definition of the word “rambler” online for a clearer mental picture, and this is what came up:

Definition of rambler according to Merriam-Webster online.

1:  one that rambles [definition of rambles: 1: to move aimlessly from place to place / 2: to talk or write in a desultory or long-winded wandering fashion]

2:  any of various climbing roses with long flexible canes and rather small often double flowers in large clusters

I’d honestly never heard of rambling roses until today, so I did another quick google search and the results told me all I needed to know.

This is what I understood from all of the different articles I read:

Rambling roses are strong stemmed roses that bloom once a year. The “personality” of the flower depends on the KIND of rambler you get, but Albertine ramblers specifically grow tall, and they’re a bit haywire in the sense that they’ll basically take over everything if you let them.

They grow best in full sunlight but are susceptible to mildew if they dry out. They require a lot of care and hard work to get them tamed and shaped into what you want them to be, but they’re worth it because they are some of the prettiest, most coveted roses out there.

My mission in life is to be strong, and to grow in every aspect; my faith, my personal relationships, and my creativity. As tacky as it might sound, I also grow best in full Son light and am susceptible to mould if I allow my roots to dry out.

Sure, it will take hard work to get where I want to be, but here’s to hoping it’ll be worth it in the end.

Sincerely,

A Rambler In Bloom.

P.S Yes, this means I’m coming back. Sorry it’s been so long. I could make a ton of excuses but I’ll save those for another post 😛

Also, I should probably mention that this blog is still about writing, and mental health, and the occasional personal update. It’s not — and never will be — a gardening blog, sorry to disappoint.

Where Have I Been?

You may have wondered, Paige, where have you been?

Well, Friends, I’ve been tucked away with a pen,

Okay, to tell the truth, it’s actually a laptop,

It’s been late nights, practically nonstop,

Sequestered in a room with just some earbuds and my thoughts,

Writing and editing, writing and editing, you know how it goes,

Wanting to tear my hair out of my scalp because I CAN’T GET THE WORDS TO FLOW,

But it’s almost time.

Alive is almost here, and it’s better than it was two years ago, I swear.

 

Thoughts #3

Tired of pretending I’m more than a teenage music nerd with an unhealthy coffee addiction and far too much time on my hands.
I’m not some deep, philosophical person, I don’t speak (or think) in poetry and I’m a lot more black and white than I often pretend to be.

I Miss You

I miss you tonight, and I know I’m not the first to feel this way, and I doubt I’ll be the last.

Sometimes I wonder what you told her to make her fall in love with you.

You always had a way with words that made me want to write you down on every scrap of paper I had. Then when you took off the first time, I bled all of the compliments you paid me into my bathroom towels, and burned the poems you inspired, and I wanted to tell you not to come back but the hands of loneliness wrapped around my throat and wouldn’t release me until you came around again.

 

The Words We Speak (Part 2) — Mental Health Post #26

Hello, hello Friends 🙂 Yesterday I rewrote that awful “addiction recovery” commercial (check out that post here. Link opens in new window), but today I wanted to help rewrite some everyday situations.

Here are a few things not to say about (and DO NOT say these things directly TO) someone with a mental illness, and some things you could say and/or do instead.