Grief (TW: Death mention)

Hey there, friends!

I know there should have been a post yesterday and there wasn’t. I have a good explanation for that for once.

Last week, I found out a dear old friend of mine had passed suddenly. Her funeral was yesterday, and I frankly wasn’t in the right headspace to write here.

To be honest, I’m still not in the best headspace to be writing, but I did want to make a post to acknowledge 1. that I screwed up my schedule again and I’m sorry, but 2. that I lost someone important to me.

We hadn’t talked in nearly two years since I moved to my new city. We were coworkers a few years back, though, and though we never hung out outside of work, I always considered her a friend. She was one of my favourite people to work with. She was always such a ray of light, even on my worst days. Or her worst days. Even if she wasn’t feeling well, she’d always try to make people smile.

Everyone that knew her was so lucky to have that privilege. It’s something I took for granted, and I wish I hadn’t. You never expect someone you love to go so soon, or maybe not at all. The idea of my friends and family passing is so foreign to me, though I’ve experienced loss before. It just feels like something that shouldn’t happen.

To say I was shocked when I opened up my Facebook feed on Thursday night to the news of her passing would be an understatement. She was a bright, beautiful, funny soul, and I am absolutely devastated knowing that I will never see or talk to her again.

I wish I could turn back time and stay in touch with her. Though I’m sure that would break my heart even more to lose her now.

There are so many things I wish I could still say to her. I hope she knew that there were so many people that loved her, even if they didn’t talk to her often anymore.

I’ve been struggling with my grief, because we weren’t close anymore, but it has still been breaking my heart. I almost feel guilty grieving over someone I haven’t talked to in so long, but I don’t have much choice over the way I feel.

Anyway, that’s it for this post. I don’t know if I’ll be back on Friday or not. I’d like to be, but things have been difficult lately.

Rest In Peace, my dear friend. I will miss you forever.