I dropped the ball, Friends, this post was meant for May 24th.
Hello again Friends!
Not sure how to start this post, so I’m just going to dive right in.
My church puts on this amazing event called UR Worth More every year [You can visit their website here & check them out on Facebook, too], and the best way to describe it would probably be an anti-suicide rally, though it’s far more than that. There’s music, and someone speaks, and some of the youth do skits and it’s a ton of fun (both to attend and to participate in), but it also deals with some serious topics like suicide and depression, and last October we covered anxiety and self hate as well, and today’s topic is something else we talked about that I had never really heard of until UR Worth More: Escapism.
Things I knew about myself before I was part of the UR Worth More crew:
– I hated conflict
– I didn’t like to deal with my emotions
– I love, love, loved YouTube (and music, but the music thing didn’t occur to me until early this year)
Things I learned during (& after) UR Worth More:
– You have to deal with your emotions or you’ll eventually explode (to be fair, I knew this before UR Worth More, I just didn’t want to acknowledge it)
– It is not normal or healthy to spend onwards and upwards of six hours watching YouTube videos (yes, you read that right, I said six or more hours mostly spent watching stupid DIY and game videos)
Whenever I get stressed out, I watch videos.
If I’m sad, I watch videos.
If I feel nothing, I watch videos.
Notice that all of those examples were in present tense because I haven’t kicked the habit yet, but I’m trying.
The thing is, life is short and I’m wasting it. Not to mention, I’m not solving anything.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying YouTube is inherently evil, I’m just saying it’s not healthy for me as an individual.
I’m not living a good life. I’m tired all the time, partially because of the depression and horrible bouts of insomnia (not to mention, my creativity only seems to like me in the middle of the night) and partially because I stay up all night watching pointless videos, and then I get anxious because I’m wasting my life and I watch more videos. It’s a vicious cycle.
I guess my point is, now that I’ve recognized these issues in my life I can work on getting free and I can focus on DEALING with my problems, and not turning to YouTube to drown them. For me, dealing with it means journalling, and if I feel it’s necessary I’ll find someone to talk to, and spending more time with God than with my phone or iPad.
There is so much life left to live, my Friends, and as hard as it will be, I know that freedom is possible, and I’m going to work towards it, and pray for it, and if you want to send me an email me whatpaigethinks@ outlook.com (just remove the space 🙂 ) or leave a comment on this post, I’d be excited to share this journey with you and pray for you as we both work toward a healthier life.